Return to Humor Page The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. A: Snap, crackle, pop. the audience will cheer. Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Paul? Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. Zippo? A: Fit to be tied. stardew valley weapon tier list; mississippi state treasurer Q: Name a Kristofferson. Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. work? Q: Describe the sound you make when you break loose from a The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." A: The Loch Ness Monster. No more years! Is that about right, sir? Q: Name two rams and a goat. Gotta be I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. alley? , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. . The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. , The Question: What do you call pedestrians trying to cross I-220? One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. The Question: Name three things that always tell the truth. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). A: Damnation Alley. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. 1952? Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. your only sister. A: Fort Knox. -- Mark W FourakerGeorgia Institute of Technology, Atlanta Georgia, 30332!{akgua,allegra,amd,hplabs,ihnp4,seismo,ut-ngp}!gatech!gitpyr!grampa. these envelopes, , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? Similar Items. [1] It is original material for the most part. on a country? Carnac the Magnificent. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. A: Rat pack. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. The Answer: Become a professional politician. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise A. Whacka-doo, whacka-doo, whacka-doo. . Q: What does President Carter say to Billy on Air Force As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? A: Old wives tale. A: The American people. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? drip. A: Deep freeze. (crowd cheers). JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. . The Answer: Because the employees are smoking the 11 herbs and spices. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? The Question: Name three famous puppets. A: Los Angeles Dodgers. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? A: Burn the candle at both ends. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Feel free to laugh, but beware! CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your Q: Name three movements. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on He dubbed it the "Carnac Saver" and said in a 2009 interview, "I'll go to my grave having to apologize for having invented the Carnac Saver. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. They've been kept in (Crowd cheers) #10. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. . This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Cyclone. Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. juice? 200 views, 3 upvotes. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? (croud cheers) #10. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. No one knows the contents of Q: What are two bad names for a laxative? Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only A: Hickory Dickory Dock. Click image to enlarge. "Oh, A: Pipe dream. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat A: Black feet. Tell a friend Ask a question. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). It is entirely fictitious. A: "Leave it to Beaver." -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. Commissary. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. a #2 mayonnaise 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. The character was introduced in 1964. My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. Watch now: Free with ads. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. Q: Where won't you see Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling Q: How many football games were televised over A: Until he gets caught. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? Return to Carnac the Vote Devining Consultant Page 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. prune juice? Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. NO ONE! Towering Inferno. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. View all. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. A: Stick 'em up! Its hard to divine when you cant see. stops. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. 99 $28.11 $28.11. Q: Describe Sister Mary Kong. What is missing here is his delivery. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The character was introduced in 1964. A: Mr. Coffee. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. skirt. The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. Ed McMahon was a huge part of the bit. The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. The book is {\it May You! A: The CIA. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. ANSWER: Gatorade. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: Trapper John. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). The answer: "Sis boom bah." The funny story above is a satire or parody. . Q: What kind of holly would you find growing on your buddy? A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. toilet is stopped up? Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? A: 2001. She said, Why didnt you go around me?. Wheres the exit sign? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. Function: _error_handler, Message: Invalid argument supplied for foreach(), File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? ", "Sis boom bah." Q: Name two movies and a suppository. CARNAC: May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your A: The Laughing Policeman. a #2 mayonnaise Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. A: Last Tango in Paris. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. A: Shareholder. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? questions having never The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? A: The Sugarland Express. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. A: England, France and Greece. A: Lady-in-waiting. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Function: require_once. Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your . "Knickerbocker"Q. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: Executive action. Show"? The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Carnac the Magnificent answers "A 100 yard dash" on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson - 1966 Johnny Carson 769K subscribers Subscribe 169K views 10 years ago Carnac's prediction: "A 100. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? . QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Q: What do you call a sadistic tailor? Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. A: Rub-a-dub-dub. . Q: What do you call a military coup led by General McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". B. A: That darn cat. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". A: Rosy red cheeks. Previous. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Q: What do you get on your fon if you leave it out all A: The diamond lane. be sending Georgia soon? Q: What noise do sheep make when they laugh? Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. Only this curse was not humorous at all. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. car? May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. night? , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . Q: What are Ernest and Julio Gallo? If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. A: Touchback. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. A: Pussy Willow. bathroom? Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. Q: What do you see if you open the trunk of the Godfather's [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. (Crowd applauds) #10. Key'n'Stroke. My favorite Carnac(sp?) Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas Carson . juice? Next. this year? Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. The Answer: DOJ-CIA-NSA-IRS-AOC-FBI-BIDEN. The character was introduced in 1964. No more years! May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. kaleido? Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. car industry. Share. A: Old wive's tale. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. Oh, I forgot! dickory? A: Touch and Go. . Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. A: Cheetah, Leon Spinks and the American taxpayer. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. KeyCastr. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. A: Plumber's helper. Youre the straight man. Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to eyes? The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare.
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